Feeling Again
Why Avoiding Pain Doesn’t Really Work For Me
I’ve been doing a bit of work on my relationship with pain. In my limited experience, it’s inevitable in life and I’ve always thought that I dealt with it quite well. I grew up in the East end of London and the mentality in my area was the stiff upper lip, get through it by any means necessary type stuff.
I’ve come to realise that rather than facing my pain head on, going through that difficult tunnel and coming out the other side with a victory scar, I avoided the tunnel altogether and became numb.
Dr Gabor Mate who’s all I listen to at the moment says, when we’re under threat, there’s three natural responses. The first is to ask for help. If there’s no help available, the second response is to fight. If you can’t fight, the third response is to run away. But what if there’s no help, you’re too small to fight back, and you can’t run away? Well, what happens then, is you go numb, and that’s your body’s way of saying “I can’t protect you from the situation, so I’m going to protect you from the pain.”
I can relate and the result for me is I sometimes feel like I have a heart of stone, but I’d love to feel things again. I’ve tried bits and bobs that I’ll share at some point so this piece is a bit half-baked. Will let you know how I get on.